How I Feel
you may never know how I feel about you
your hugs…so soothing
comforting embraces
in time
your sweet soft rich voice
flows smoothly
like chocolate
from your lips
your smile
your laugh
they light up my life
your eyes
deep translucent caves into your soul
your tall stature
that makes me feel
so insignificant and small
I love everything about you.
Graduation
Fading notes on an old sheet of music,
traces of foot steps in the dust,
people waving in the distance;
smiling faces no longer visible.
Eraser smudges left from
all our mistakes
and photographs from
all our triumphs.
The last thirteen years of your life
are naught but a memory.
Where Two Worlds Collide
All walls fall downyou finally break lose
all in that moment
not fully awake
yet, not fully asleep
and still
in that moment
you are the most awake
that you will ever be
the most yourself
that you will ever be
the most honest
that you will ever be
full of dreams
wishes
aspirations
that you somehow know
could never be real
and yet in that moment
that split second
they are
your dreams
are your realities
like falling into another world
so perfect
yet terrible
horribly grotesque
in a sense
what you most fear
has become the only thing
you know
that when that split second is over
you will move on
past the real you
to the facade beneath
be the fake person behind the mask
that the world is expecting
and wants
to see
and then be happy
it’s what everyone wants from you
understandable
can anyone really tell
the dreams
from the reality?
or is it just a misty haze
the fog between
where those two worlds collide….
Nonexistent?
The past few weeks you’ve been so not here.
I almost thought, today, you didn’t exist.
You were a figment of my imagination.
I had made you up, to make up for
some hole in my life.
And that made me feel better about everything.
for YOU WERE NONEXISTENT!
but then
I listened
to the one voicemail you ever left me.
I saw the cards you made me;
although, neither had your name written anywhere on them.
and I laughed.
good heavens, did I laugh.
you were real all along, very real.
I had made up, in my mind, who I wanted you to be,
and you weren’t, no matter how much I tried to convince myself.
That part of you, did not exist.
But now i’m okay.
I’m okay to believe that you don’t exist.
I have no idea who you are
because I simply have found
that I
just
don’t
care.
Beauty in the Shadows
Surrounded by darkness
shadows dance
lurid shapes
nothing more than
just another nightmare
yet, a fearful reality
ghosts of the past
whisk away all hopes
and dreams
demons clouding your vision
they break you
‘till your mind is
a piece of freshly dead meat
and your body is numb
to all pain
emotionless and senseless
you have become one of them
no soul
yet, light creeps in through the corners
rays of beauty
through crevices you never knew were there
lift up your arms and scream
scare them all
frighten them
‘till only deadly traces of their scent remain
a dazzling brightness from above
and you have let them go.
Average Princess
You call me a princess
but I=m not sure you should
you see
I=m not your average princess
I=m not tall and beautiful
I=m no longer blonde
I don=t usually dress all in pink
my name=s not Cinderella
or Rapunzel
or Aurora
or Belle
just simply Jennie
or Jen will sometimes do
I=m not your average princess
short black hair
and darker clothes
are more my style
plastic rimmed glasses
and black eyeliner
I=m not your average princess
but like many fairy tale princesses
I was locked in a tower
of my own insecurities
and loneliness
and you came and saved me
swept me off my feet
and we lived happily ever after
and I guess that makes me
just another average princess.
Are All Obsessions a Bad Thing?
I. Duct TapeDuct tape
fixes everything.
Need duct tape?
Find Jimmy.
He always has plenty.
Duct tape
is very versatile
he says.
A duct tape wallet.
Duct tape on his backpack,
on his trumpet case,
in his room.
And not just silver,
every color.
Any color you could
ever want.
Even camouflage!
(if you so desire)
Who knew
such a simple thing
could be such
an important object
to one person?
Duct tape.
II. Canada
Leading the world
in being
just north of the United States.
That Canada song
by Five Iron Frenzy?
(yes, that now non-existent ska band…)
Well, that song describes
him perfectly.
If he could pack up
and move to Canada right now..
he would.
Maybe that’s why
we get along so well.
We both love Canada.
And maybe that’s why
he loved that Christmas present I gave him,
oh, so very much.
Yeah, you know what it was.
That pin he has on his backpack.
The one that says
“Canadian Wanna be”
and he can’t wait ‘till
that Canada road trip he has planned
for
summer of ‘08.
III. My Voice
He wanted
to hear
me sing.
I told
him
no.
I’m too shy and I’m not that good anyway.
Yet somehow,
he convinced me
to record myself
singing
and put it on a
CD.
What did he think?
He told me
I sang
SOOOO beautifully
and that
I should
never
never never
never never NEVER
give up singing.
He’s forever
addicted
to
my
voice.
And So Where are We this Year?
Another year over
the world is soon
to be anew
everyone makes resolutions
that no one keeps
everyone goes to parties
does things without thinking
everyone says they’ll do better this new year
no one remembers anything that was said
when they wake up the next morning
next to some stranger
with a hangover
and what happened this year?
Gerald Ford died
as well as James Brown
and some random kid
supposedly Anna Nicole Smith’s son
and what will we remember?
Miss USA is bisexual
Madonna offends half the nation
Courtney Love is still on drugs
Paris Hilton is still famous
just for being rich
and Britney finally divorces
that Dad from hell
Cruise and Holmes finally get married
Jennifer and Vince call it quits
Angelina and Brad are still considered
the hottest couple in the world
the war in Iraq is still in full swing
Nicole Richie joins the mugshot gallery of shame
and Kate Bosworth still thinks it’s hot to be anorexic
it seems no matter how many new years go by
the world will still be the same
full of regrets
lost chances
and mistakes
and so my new years resolution
this year
is to make sure I never
contribute to this world’s ultimate fate
to never become a part of the world
so hopefully
it will only stay the same and not
become worse
for that’s all we can hope for
at a time like this
that everything will stay the same
look at where we are now
for just think
in 10 years
if things are worse
where will we be then?
All Her Life is Black and White
Failing
flailing
there she is
on the floor again
lost in her own thoughts
consuming her life
wondering what she did wrong
what did she do to deserve this
scenes flash before her eyes
why didn’t she say that
do that
for now, here she is
lost somewhere along the way
in translation
stuck in a nightmare
surrounded by other’s colorful
fairy tales
yet,
all her life is black and white.
Abuse Sestina
Alone in that house,
There she sits, that girl,
Playing with her doll,
In that room that’s blue.
As rain patters against the glass,
Salty and wet, like tears.
Her face is smudged with fallen tears,
As she sobs in the dark house.
Her heart is like glass,
Shattered; just some random girl.
And the veins in her arms are blue,
Just like the dress on her doll.
The face is broken, as the doll
Hits the floor. And the tears
On her face, run together with her eyes of blue.
The floor of that house
Creaks and scares the girl.
Her face turns clear like glass.
The window shatters and the glass
Hits the floor, next to the broken doll.
Searching for a light, the girl
Cannot see through the tears,
That flood her eyes and the house.
Her whole world is blue.
Her sparkling eyes of blue
Reflect off of the glass,
Lying on the floor of the house.
And it seems that even the broken doll
Is crying real tears.
Scared as ever, the girl
Knows this is not right. She’s just a girl.
But her life is blue,
And so are her tears.
It’s as if she’s living in a world of glass
Ready to shatter any second; break the doll,
crumble her only solace; the house.
Her life is a doll
Crushed and broken like glass, on the floor
Of a building that is her home and her prison.
